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I have been told many times by various people that I am a bad human being and that I will likely burn for eternity because of the decisions I have made in my life. Now I’ll admit that a lot of the things I do are immoral, but my intentions are usually good natured. I’m a man of the people, and I’ll do some fucked up shit for a few chuckles, and in that regard I don’t think I’m a legitimate asshole. But after being told so many times that I have reserved my spot in hell, I couldn’t help but reflect, and I did happen to find an instance where spite was the driving motive as opposed to humor (but it made for a funny story so I guess I’m still a good person).
Let’s go back to freshman year in college. I was supposed to be rooming with someone I knew from high school, but because of late registration (on my part) I got stuck with two random people. No matter how hard I try, I can’t express my hatred for the following two individuals, but I’ll try my best to paint a picture of my living situation and the personality of the two… I guess fagamuffins would be a fitting adjective, that I got stuck with.
Sam:
Sam was the lesser of two evils. He was a pale fellow (remember that really shitty movie Powder? I think that movie might have been based off of him). He was the epitome of weird. Everything about this kid was creepy and awkward. Aside from him having a weird vampire fetish, him playing Dungeons and Dragons with his equally creepy friends, and having this fat unattractive girl whom he porked loiter around my room all day (I nicknamed her “ugly fat girl”), I had no gripe with Sam. He was a loner, and like a loner he kept to himself and didn’t bother me much (plus he bought my friends and me alcohol when we asked since he was 21).
Tanay:
Tanay was a foreign exchange student from India. If Karma really does exist, what ever higher being that you happen to believe in crafted Tanay in the fiery pits of hell as a form of punishment for every sin I had committed thus far. Annoying is an under statement. Being in a room with Tanay is equivalent to having a black midget bite your balls off, eat it, shit it out, and then rub the shit all over your face (don’t ask me why the midget is black, that’s just the way it has to be). This article was based off of him. Not only was this kid annoying, but he was a disgusting messy slob. I really could go on for days listing all the filthy sub-human habits this kid had, but like an acid trip you really can’t explain it and you have to experience it yourself (plus just thinking about him makes me want to vomit).
After returning back to the dorms after winter vacation, I noticed Tanay wasn’t present despite the fact school had been in session for a few days now (the pungent aroma of unwashed feet and virginity were conspicuously absent). That’s when my RA informed me that Tanay would not be returning to Purdue, and Sam and I should gather his belongings so they could store it away until he could pick it up. The day I found out Tanay was not coming back was without a doubt the happiest day in my life (eventually when I get married and my wife asks me what was the happiest day in my life, I’ll lie and tell her the day we got married to make that bitch feel good, but deep down I know that no day can even begin to compare with the day I found out Tanay was not coming back). So what do I do when I find out he’s not coming back? I sell his shit, that’s what. Let me repeat that last sentence so you can let it soak in. I sold… his shit…
He emailed me telling me that he would be coming after the school year to collect his belongings, so I in turn sold them at ridiculously low prices as a form a vengeance. I sold his 100 dollar speakers (in Indian currency they were worth around 8 goats and 7 wives) for a mere 15 dollars. I parted with his printer for a modest 10. His creatine and protein supplements, 5 bucks. I returned his textbooks and made a good 45. In total I made 80 dollars off of his belongings, and in retrospect I could have made more, but it wasn’t about the money (which went to alcohol anyways). It was about spite, it was about unadulterated hatred, it was about animosity to a degree so great you can’t begin to fathom it.
Do I feel good about it? No. Do I feel bad? No. If I could do it all over again, would I? If I had a do-over I might have considered peeing on his clothes… Go ahead and ignore that first paragraph, I’m a prick.