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As I child I didn’t cry during The Power Rangers Movie, specifically after Zordon died.
I didn’t vomit outside of my friend’s dorm room. I didn’t blame it on someone else.
I didn’t post a fake gay personal ad on craigslist.com pretending to be someone I wanted to get back at. The victim didn’t get a bunch of gay guys calling him at 2 in the morning.
I didn’t have someone quote my own website during a conversation. I didn’t laugh not realizing they were my own words. I didn’t feel narcissistic afterwards either.
I didn’t breast feed a teddy bear because I felt that it was malnourished… at the age of 20.
As a senior in high school, I didn’t go into a liquor store that doesn’t card. I didn’t panic when the clerk asked me what year I was born in, and I didn’t reply by saying 1979, because that was the year my brother was born and the first year that popped into my mind. The clerk didn’t look at me like I was retarded and he didn’t say “So that makes you… 26?” “Yep… 26.” I didn’t feel like a dumb ass and he didn’t refer to me as “the 26 year old” on my many visits afterwards.
I didn’t turn off the lights of a public bathroom while my friend was taking a dump. My friend didn’t reply by saying “awwww, you’re an asshole… now I gotta shit in the dark.”
As a seven year old I didn’t chase my brother’s friend around the couch with a knife. My brother’s friend wasn’t concerned about the safety of his life.
While intoxicated, I didn’t pee on a car and a bike when the line to the bathroom was too long.
In kindergarten, I didn’t bite into an orange crayon thinking it would taste like oranges. I didn’t realize that crayons actually taste like wax.
I didn’t dine and ditch a restaurant with a group of friends freshman year of high school. We didn’t leave one friend behind to pay the bill.
I didn’t punch a clown at the age of six because they creep me out. The clown didn’t mind.
I don’t do these kinds of things…