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Last week it came to my attention that every one in my family knows about my website, and that they’ve been reading it for quite some time without me knowing. Normal people would get fazed with such knowledge, the fact that your family knows details of your life that you’d rather them not know would undoubtedly affect someone’s writing ability, but not me. My mommy didn’t raise no bitch, so here’s KarimPie.com exactly like it’s always been:
So I helped an old lady cross the road today. She was frail and weak, but being a Good Samaritan I held her feeble arms and got her to the other side of the road safely. She thanked me for being so kind, but I sensed loneliness in her eyes. I walked her home and had a cup of tea with her as she told me uninteresting stories about her grandkids. It was a humbling experience, and it made me realize how much I love my own family, and how thankful I am for having them in my life.
After I helped the old lady feed her cats, I started walking home, because it was late and I didn’t want my parents to worry about me. That’s when a homeless person asked me for some spare change. Being the selfless individual I am I reached into my pockets, only to be faced with the grim realization that I had no change. “Don’t worry about it” the homeless person said.
“Nonsense, I may not have change but I have my debit card, and I’ll be damned if I let you go hungry another minute.”
“Thank you so much, you’re so kind and good looking, God bless you.” Luckily for us, there was a five star restaurant a block away. I ordered him a 12 ounce stake, and watching him eat it filled me with unfathomable joy. After dinner I gave him my clothes and walked home naked. The temperature was below zero, but I didn’t mind, the kindness of my heart kept me warm.
I don’t want to drag this out much longer so allow me to summarize: I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a nun, I saved a drowning child, I bought each and every individual in my family presents, only to have them stolen from me, but the fact that I put in the effort purely out of the goodness of my heart is all that matters, even if my family never finds out, oh and I learned the meaning of Christmas. After a joyful day of helping others I returned home to recount my tales of kindness. Unfortunately my laptop is acting up again. I sure could use a new laptop. Did I mention how much I love my family? No but for real, I’ll hit it real big soon enough so get your brownie points while you still can.
And I was worried that knowing my family reads this site would affect my updates, no effing way that’s happening.