Have you ever immediately despised someone for no apparent reason? Nothing based on personality, your hatred stems from something purely aesthetic. Nothing needs to be said, but right away this person stirs up emotions of anger and contempt, and you’re tempted to kick this person in the nuts/ovaries to prevent them from reproducing. You may be critical on yourself for judging so quickly with no merit, but you then notice that everyone in the room is giving the same person the stink-eye, and then it hits you. No one knows this person, yet no one likes this person.

Some people are just mutually hated with out warrant. These people are called pre-determined antagonists. The best example I can think of is Brian. Brian was the TA for my Communications class freshman year. The first day of class, as soon as Brian walked in, he was deemed a cock nibbler. The class became united in this inexplicable hatred towards Brian. Before class began, we would talk about how much we hated Brian. During class, we would talk about how much we hated Brian. While I gave speeches, I would make references about how the entire class and I hated Brian. I would rather spend Christmas with the Benoit family than to be around that smug son-of-a-bitch for an extended length of time (fuck you if you think it’s too soon to make Benoit jokes, I’ve waited long enough). It turned out that Brian was indeed a douche, but we didn’t initially know that, yet we sensed it.

I never understood what these pre-determined antagonists shared in common, but I put the pieces together while watching SportsCenter. I saw a clip of Isiah Thomas on the sideline, and he just looked like he deserved to be hated, and then I figured out what these people had in common. It’s their smile. It’s not really a smile, it’s more of a grin or a smirk. The proper terminology would be a freakishly annoying grin, which I’ll refer to as an F.A.G. for short. An F.A.G. is not overpowering, and it’s not so subtle that no emotion is conveyed. You know that grin you get after you kick a helpless dog or drown a baby, that’s an F.A.G. Pre-determined antagonists have that grin cemented on their face, and it implies a number of things: they are smug and vain, they tend to have delusions of grandeur, and they like the feel of cocks being shoved up their ass.

It may be hard to picture, so here are a some notable celebrities showing off their freakishly annoying grin: