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So I was going to talk about the three remaining presidential candidates (and I say three because Hillary can’t take a fucking hint), but then I realized how biased I am. My usual response when someone tells me they support McCain or Hillary is something along the lines of “well that’s because you’re fucking retarded.” Instead let’s talk about the people that will actually decide which one of the three candidates will end up president, you.
Now I normally don’t watch the news, it’s too sensationalized for me, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized the media has bastardized the primaries. They managed to dumb down an election. That wasn’t the part that bothered me, the media has set a precedent of stupidizing everything, so I wasn’t that shocked. They started interviewing the general public and that’s when I got scared. I was watching the local news and they were talking about how Dave Matthews Band held a free concert in support of Obama. They interviewed local college kids and one of them said, and I’m not making this up, “well Obama gave me a free concert so my vote is for him.” Now I understand the basic principles of democracy, but I don’t think the founding fathers of this country anticipated the general public to be that stupid. If you choose a candidate based on the fact that they gave you a free concert, you shouldn’t be allowed to procreate, let alone vote.
Here’s another one I’ve heard, “I’m voting for Obama because he is black.” Let’s be honest, Obama isn’t black. He’s dark, but he’s not black. Calling Obama black is like saying Wayne Brady and Tiger Woods are black, or that Eminem is white. You don’t pick a candidate based off a skin color, that’s as dumb as saying “I’m voting for Hillary because I think there should be a female in the White House.” I didn’t realize that having a vagina was qualification enough to run a country. I guess these people assume that Paris Hilton is also a viable candidate. Here’s another popular one, “I’m voting for McCain because I’m Republican.” If you base your decision solely on an affiliation, then you’re just as fucking stupid as everyone else. To quote Chris Rock, “No normal, decent person is one thing, okay? I've got some shit I’m conservative about, I've got some shit I’m liberal about. Crime, I’m conservative. Prostitution, I’m liberal!”
So all I’m asking is this: stop wasting everyone’s time with frivolous shit like lapel pins and Reverends and if you’re going to discuss politics on television, then stick to the fucking issues. This isn’t another horse shit reality show. I realize that it’s entertainment and great for your ratings, but people are stupid enough to buy into it. It’s sad when satirists like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are this country’s voice of reason.