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So I was attempting to wax my bikini line...
I heated the wax and dumped it (searing hot) onto my most preciously sensitive body part and slapped that paper cloth ripping off action thing on it.
Then the brain damage kicks in. All of a sudden, I’m aware of how much this is gonna hurt and I want very much to chicken out. So with sweaty palms and gritted teeth, I quite unsteadily try to pull the strip off as slowly and gently as possible so as to avoid any pain... similar to how a child would attempt to pull a bandaid off their arm... supposing said arm was covered in pubic hair.
The ONLY flaw in this devious plan to thwart the forces of evil is that the hot wax acts like an adhesive... and that shit is NOT coming off no matter what you think you can do. Soap? No sir. Scraping it off? Not happening. Wiping your inner thigh until it wants to bleed? Definitely not a solution.
So now I’m standing here like a queer bowlegged cowboy looking around for some way to get this wax off. I spend about 45 minutes soaping and wiping and repeating with a washcloth and I think I got most of it.
Now instead of looking like a sick person sneezed green sticky adherent onto my leg, I now feel like the floor after someone spills soda and then doesn’t clean it properly... sticky for no damn reason.
I’m sitting on the futon with my legs askew trying to think when "I Love New York 2" reruns come on TV. Now I’ve completely forgotten my issue and I CLOSE MY LEGS and watch the show for about an hour.
For those of us in the audience who don’t realize what that means; I applied adhesive to my vaginal area, then pressed the area to my thigh and held tightly for about an hour... waiting for the adhesive to set. Which it did do, let me tell you. It set in like epoxy on an old shoe.
So now I’m in a unique situation where my sensitive areas are all attached to one another in an uncomfortable way. After the screaming and ripping apart is finished, swelling sets in. Did you know a vagina could swell? It can, and to unimaginable sizes. I had two baby elephant ears just dragging on the floor as I walked to get an ice pack.
All that, and not ONE DAMN HAIR came off. Stick with Nair people. Stick with Nair.