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Here’s a neat little fact, 5 percent of all Americans have a laugh so annoying it makes you want to kill an endangered animal. Oddly enough, those 5 percent of Americans collectively have a sense of humor so bad, even Tom Green looks down upon them. Why do people with annoying laughs insist on laughing at every stupid little butt-fuck comment and consistently find humor in non existent places? This very question has perplexed some of histories brightest minds like Plato, Socrates, Galileo, and Christopher Walken. After years of collecting data, I have finally derived an equation that can put all of this into perspective.
For the weaker minded individuals, let me break it down. The integral of the laugh from a to b, a being the awkwardness of the laugh and b being the density and girth of the laugh, divided by the hotness of the individual (Why? Because beautiful people get away with more shit. Don’t like it? It’s probably because you’re ugly) multiplied by e to the nth power, n being the number of times in an hour that the individual laughs at unfunny shit, is equal to the diameter of the rod I’d rather shove up my ass than to face having a conversation with that individual.
For the more visually oriented readers, I took the liberty of making a graph
The sense of humor of the individual.
Likelihood I jam a fork in my eye.
Amount of friends they have.
How funny I find Ben Stiller.