 |
|
It seems like I’m falling into a rut on this site. Lately all my updates are of me bitching and whining about something, and it’s starting to piss me the fuck off (see what I did there). So let me change it up a bit and talk about things I love.
For starters, midgets. No joke, I fucking love midgets. I want to emphasize that this is a strictly platonic obsession. I’m not into midgets in a sexual way. I’ve seen midget porn and it’s not up my alley. I’ll stick to good old fashion porn, lesbians and amputees, the way God intended. I don’t know any midgets personally, and that may be why I love them so much. My mind has glorified what it would be like to have a midget as a friend. Your midget compadre makes a little quip (a midget pun was long overdo), so you go to high-five them but you make sure it’s not up high but down low because you’re not a jack ass, and it’s like a little baby high-fiving you except it’s not, it’s just a tiny person. Better yet, what about pounding fists with a midget, just the thought of it sends shivers down my spine. Pure ecstasy:
I love homeless people that are honest. That “I was a veteran” or “I have five kids to feed” mantra is tired. Be original, we all have problems. None of that “I’m hungry” shit either, tell me you’ll spend my money on drugs and alcohol and I’ll cough up a buck. Who am I to judge, I’ll end up spending my money on the same thing. Since I know the main demographic for this website are the homeless and unemployed, that’s my guarantee: If you see me on the street and are willing to admit you need money to buy a 40 oz. or that you’re jonesing for some crack, I’ll help you out. “But Karim, you’re not helping the problem, you’re only making it worse, they should get jobs.” Why thank you theoretical person, but if you think it’s that simple you are an idiot wrapped in a moron. If you owned a business you wouldn’t hire a bunch of homeless people now would you? There are no jobs for homeless people, and even if there were jobs they don’t possess the means to go get them. Drink up smelly, it’s on me.
I love watching people slip on ice and fall down. It’s timeless humor in its purest form, no matter how banal it is. I love waking up, looking at the clock, and realizing I still have three more hours to sleep. I love when people say “your retarded”. If you didn’t realize why that’s funny, then you’re retarded. I love Vicodin and/or Morphine. I love when you roll your batteries around to make them last a little longer. I love fireworks, even though playing with them makes me feel like I’m perpetuating a negative stereotype. I love when people say “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” and mean it, if they really believe that they’re so naïve. I love talking to people that don’t get sarcasm, you can mock them without them knowing. I love when you make a joke so good that you can’t help but think to yourself “I am one funny fuck”. I love KarimPie.com. I love Karim. You love Karim. I love you too. This much |<--------------------->| (not drawn to scale).