*Note, this is not everyone's invitation to send me stories/articles. If I know you personally and find you funny, then knock yourself out. If you fall into neither of those categories chances are I don’t think you’re funny and probably dislike you immensely. Charmaine <3's A Porker When I was in the 4th grade, I had my first crush...on a fat kid. No joke the kid was a porker, but I didn't know that then. I was ugly. Standards were low. Anyhow, I super digged this kid despite the fat jokes my mom kept making until I finally mustered up the strength to go tell him. I was so nervous...or excited about maybe having a boyfriend. So I drew the kid a dinosaur picture. That's the way to a man's heart. It was badly drawn but I colored it nicely...in the lines and everything. Wrote a big "I love you" on it and then went over to hand it to him. He looked at my picture and goes "I don't want that. I don't even like dinosaurs." and then he saw the dreaded, I love you, to which he replies, "hahahah I don't love you! You look like a dog's butt." Very nice. I was the only person to get rejected even by the fat kid. Jesus, about how fuckin ugly was I?