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So you remember when I said I’d rather have someone with Parkinson’s disease shave my balls than watch reality T.V.? Well I lied. I still hate reality T.V., there’s just one specific show that I have to admit I like: The Moment of Truth.
The premise is so simple. You hook up people to a polygraph, ask them intimate and embarrassing questions about their lives, make them reveal their answers in front of their family and friends, and hilarity ensues. It hurts me to say that I actually enjoy the show because for one it’s on Fox, the same channel that cancelled Arrested Development and Futurama but still manages to find time for quality programming like American Idol and Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader. Two, they needlessly drag it out and the production is cheesier than Mickey Mouse’s shit. And three, I have been adamant about my hatred of reality T.V. But I can’t help it, watching people’s lives crumble is entertainment in its purest form. I don’t care if that makes me a sick person, but I bet you can’t watch a wife admit she cheated on her husband on national T.V. with out uttering the phrase “oh snap”.
If it was up to me the questions would be way more fucked up. “Have you ever knowingly given someone herpes? Have you ever attempted to put a laxative in someone’s drink because you thought it would be funny? Was there a time in your life when you used to watch the show Friends on a regular basis?” The answer to those questions are no, yes, and maybe. So I take it back, there is potential in reality T.V., but they need to get more edgy. Here are some suggestions:
The Bachelor: She-Male Edition:
So how about this, a mansion, a bachelor, and 25 hot girls vying for his love. The catch, the girls have penises and he doesn’t know. I’ve watched enough day time talk shows to know there are plenty of deceptively hot trannies out there. The series itself would be pretty run of the mill, but the season finale where they reveal the twist, you know you’d watch it.
Survivor: Harlem:
Survivor always takes place in some remote area that’s not inhabited. That’s not entertainment, I want something that’s relatable. So how about this, we drop off sixteen people in Harlem and have them split up into two tribes, the Skinheads and the KKK. Last one alive wins.
The Amazing Race: Across The Border:
As much as you hate it, illegal immigration can’t be stopped, so let’s have some fun with it. Twelve teams, first one across the border gets to stay in America. The other eleven teams have to move to Iraq.
Flavor of Love:
That series is a joke to begin with, you can’t parody it further.