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I get a lot of thinking done in the shower. I guess being wet and naked is thought provoking. It’s not like I think of anything important either, just really irrelevant shit. For example:
I get the feeling that stupid people are really fertile. If two stupid people fuck they will inevitably conceive a stupid child, if two smart people fuck one of them will likely die of a heart attack. Stupid people have Herculean sperm and ovaries that can receive better than Jerry Rice. The guy could be wearing a condom, the girl could be on birth control pills, they could stick to anal, but if their IQs are low enough there will be an immaculate conception and nine months later the pitter patter of their stupid spawn will bless their abode. The world would be so much better if sperm count increased with IQ. On the down side, Maury would be far less interesting.
I think I’m ready for another Civil War. For some reason I can’t imagine myself being distraught over not having Alabama and Georgia in the United States. I can’t see why anyone would, unless you like grits and chit’lins, or white supremacy. I guess a Genocide against white trash would suffice as well. People wouldn’t mind, it won’t be like Rwanda or Darfur. There won’t be any telethons or concerts, maybe shitty bands like Nickleback, but no one good. Fuck the Confederacy, and fuck NASCAR too.
I want to loot before I die. Nothing big or expensive, I just want to walk into a store, grab a 6 pack of Boston Lager and some Skittles, and walk out. I’m not concerned about the reason behind the riot, for all I care we could be going to war with Pakistan. If I could get some free shit from it I’ll be able to sleep at night.
If you go to Purdue, a few weeks ago you received an email about the police looking for someone who was caught masturbating in a tanning salon. First off, who masturbates in a tanning salon? Go masturbate in the girl’s bathroom like a normal person. Secondly, it isn’t necessary to send the entire student body an email alerting us to be on the lookout for a vaguely described monkey spanker. Lastly, what happened to the good ‘ol days when you could masturbate in public without the police getting involved? This is America damn it, I pay my taxes, I’ll masturbate where ever the fuck I wanna masturbate, shit.
Why do some cashiers try to balance all your coins on top of your bills when they hand you your change. I could be receiving a dollar and ninety-eight cents in change, and yet they insist on balancing those ninety-eight cents on top of the dollar. Then when gravity eventually prevails and I drop the change on the handoff, they look at me like I’m the idiot.
If I was a cannibal and I was trapped on a deserted island, would I eat myself? What if there were other people trapped on the island with me, would I share or would I be selfish?
Do gays and lesbians get turned on if they look at themselves in the mirror? It makes sense, they are of the sex that they are attracted to. The expression “Yeah, I’d do me” is logical in their case.
It would suck to be a blue collar worker at a University. Constantly being reminded that had you gone to this institution, you wouldn’t be stuck driving the bus.
On a completely unrelated side note, a little over 4 months since its conception KarimPie.com is now the 116,606th most popular site in the United States. If we exclude porn sites that’s gotta put me in the top 10, right behind facebook.