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People tell me I smell good a lot, but they always say it as if though they are surprised. It’s kind of a back handed compliment. I smell good, which is a plus, but something about my appearance projects that I shouldn’t smell good, which is bad. I suppose I can attribute that to being Pakistani, my people have set a precedent of unpleasant odors, and I have to pay the price. It’s worse on campus because there are so many foreigners, especially in Engineering. Everyone assumes I smell bad and don’t have a grasp of the English language. Little things like above average hygiene and talking without an accent seems to amaze people. To make matters worse all the foreigners think I’ll be their friend. They always try and make small talk with me. They assume that since we are of the same skin color we have a special bond and are obligated to converse. They’re not a big hit with the ladies either. Accents are sexy, as long as they’re not from Asia or the Middle East. Remember what they say, once you go black you never go back. Once you go brown you end up on some sort of FBI watch list. True story.
Every now and then I’ll recommend a book to someone, and the person will respond with “I don’t read.” But it’s not in a modest way, it’s in a “Who the fuck reads? Reading is for fags and pussies” way. And they are absolutely right. I mean who goes to college to educate and better themselves? Plus it’s such a turn off. “Oh you read, get the fuck away from me. Oh you don’t read, that makes my vagina moist, let's sex.” I really don’t care if you read or not, but don’t be proud of it if you don't. The notion that reading isn’t cool should have died the moment you graduated from high school.
If you’re a female in college and depressed, don’t waste your money on Prozac and therapy, I have a more cost effective solution. Switch your major to Engineering. Every single lecture I have, out of a class of 150+ students there will be 4-5 girls max. Despite the fact that these girls are 6s at best, each girl commands the attention of 15 to 20 guys. Not an empty seat anywhere near the few girls in the class. They are given the admiration and attention their daddy’s never gave them. It’s supply and demand, that’s an ugly person’s best friend. That and alcohol.
Alcohol makes you lose your inhibitions. This took me 4 years to figure out, but maybe inhibitions are good. When God was creating us he said “maybe I’ll give humans inhibitions, so they’re not a bunch of jackasses.” But then we discovered alcohol against the will of God, and are in essence crippling our God given ability of not looking like jackasses. I don’t even believe in God, but that joke doesn’t work with a Darwinian premise.
Speaking of Darwin, I think I realized why that fat girl is so drawn to me. Fat girls are drawn to skinny guys because it’s the only way they can reproduce. It’s physically impossible for two fat people to have sex, unless the guy has a penis that is equivalent to the length of their combined guts. You need a Ron Jeremy-esque dong to pull that one off. They have to find skinny guys to help them pass on their genes. They are banking on the chance that their kids will have a metabolism that falls somewhere in the middle. Nature is amazing like that, amazing and disturbing.