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Fundamentalist Christians, look what time it is...
It’s time for you to shut the fuck up.
Now look, I really don’t give a shit about how religious you are or what you believe regardless of how irrational your views may be, but know your fucking limit. Stop trying to impose your skewed views and beliefs on everyone else, some people posses the unique ability to think for themselves based on logic and reason. It’s a scary concept, but you should try it sometime. Before I go off on an ambiguous rant I’d like to point out that this is not just directed towards Christian fundamentalist, but fundamentalists in general. It’s just easier to target the Christians because all they do is bitch and complain (which ironically is the same thing I do).
Have you ever seen a happy Christian fundamentalist? They don’t smile, giggle, or masturbate. They are stern and rigid. Calling a fundamentalist uptight is like saying those holiday lottery commercials are annoying (Have you seen those? Who the fuck gives the present of a scratch-off lottery ticket? I think a Chia Pet is more thoughtful than a fucking lottery ticket. If for Christmas you give me a lottery ticket, for New Years I’ll give you AIDS.) The reason Christians are never happy is because they are anti-fun. If something is fun, it is inherently sinful. Drugs, pre-marital sex, and defecating on a homeless person are all frowned upon by the Christian faith. There are degrees, but they all stem from a genetic condition called Siov’s Syndrome, scientifically referred to as Sand In One’s Vagina Syndrome.
So since they clearly don’t enjoy having fun, once they find something sinful they won’t shut the fuck up about it until everyone deems it such. To them morality is concrete, and it is up to them to do this nation a great service and be the jury in the courtroom of righteousness. Every grammar school had this one kid and all he did was spew Bible verses and told you why you were going to hell. In my grammar school his name was Jeremiah (even his name gives you the impression of what an uptight religious prick he is). All day long he would talk about how great Jesus and his pals are, and why I’ll burn in hell, and blah blah blah. He’s the type of kid that would say “Jesus Christ, our lord and savior”, even though the second half of that statement is completely worthless. I never understood why people tack that on, are we going to confuse him with Jesus Christ the nutritionist or Jesus Christ the forensic scientist? I spit on his fries once to see if Jesus would save him, and instead of saving him Jesus just laughed his ass off. He’s a pretty good guy once you get past his pretentious attitude, always with the “I’m the son of god” shtick. Give it a rest man, I think you’re pissing Judas off.
I’m not a judgmental person. Ignore that, I am very judgmental, but if you have good morals then hats off to you. The people I can’t stand are the people that not only want everyone to have good morals, but to believe in magic as well. The problem is that people fail to understand the concept of separation between church and state. When it’s in a social context, it’s annoying, but when the government starts to enforce this thinly veiled Christian rhetoric, it’s eerily close to fascism. Allow me to introduce Mike Huckabee. If you don’t know who he is, this tit-wit is running to be President in 2008. I’d love to write endlessly about what this fuck-tard believes in, but I’ll spare you the time and outline his distorted ideology:
- He does not believe in evolution and wants creationism to be taught in schools.
- He wants to, and I quote, “take back this nation for Christ”.
- He believes women should be home, barefoot and pregnant, and “submit gracefully” to their husbands. As much as I hate the guy, he may be on to something with this one.
- He wants to isolate AIDS/HIV patients.
- He claims that homosexuality is a “public health risk”.
- He believes that the 10 Commandments are a basis for all of our laws.
Seriously, homosexuality is a public health risk? Are you afraid everyone will catch “the gay”? I’m not too fond of what the gays do either Mike, but them playfully tickling each other’s assholes in the privacy of their own home doesn’t adversely affect my health. If this whack job gets elected, KarimPie will be updated from Canada.
Oh and before I forget, have a Merry Christmas.